problematic gender rant, castration
perhaps i have identified with the phallus, have i joined the dark side? maybe i should get on estrogen and trip on shroomsso uh, castration, i used to thinking about that a lot, just chopping it off, but also self-mutilation of body parts, cutting out chunks of flesh, just stabbing myself, i don't know if that is strictly related to gender dysphoria so much as a particular pathology of viewing my body as other and a burden, or desire to be a eunich basically rid of sexual desire, and so maybe linked to christian sexual repression, there's a lot of eunich shit in stoicism and buddhism which i read in late teens, like "the body is a corpse" is a saying in both traditions.
I'm not really into cock and ball torture but wonder if men who are into that had similar histories