self reflection, internalized transphobia
this one has spent much time unlearning compulsive masking behaviors and various forms of self hatred, it is sort of crazy how far it has come looking backits early experiences on social media were back in the myspace days as a middle schooler, when it's closest friend realize it left its account logged in and "hacked" it's profile by posting "im gay" on it, to which it responded by just deleting its account entirely out of embarassment
going from that level of insecurity as a child to discovering its own queerness as a teen and acting on that into it's early adulthood, eventually transitioning in it's early 20s, but still holding onto many of those internalized 'phobias until some time within the last few months
even recently it tried to mask as a cis woman, because it didnt want to be othered by people for "not being a real woman" if they found out that it was trans, and was legitimately terrified of some of it's friends finding out that it was, in fact, not a cis woman
and now here we are, using it/its pronouns, speaking in the third person, and no longer trying to hide it's own transness
just sort of... existing, and allowing itself to exist as it wishes to exist
it is very thankful to be in a place where it can do that